


Time Like A Heartbeat

by ATTHS_TWICE



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cancer Arc, Episode: s04e14 Memento Mori, F/M, Phone Calls & Telephones, Worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:35:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24364417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ATTHS_TWICE/pseuds/ATTHS_TWICE
Summary: Worry, fear, and late night phone calls. Time is passing before them like a heartbeat. They need to grasp it and hold on tight.
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Comments: 9
Kudos: 51





	1. An Enemy She Cannot Escape

**Author's Note:**

> This story is for Charmion. She asked for a fic from Memento Mori when Mulder calls Maggie. 
> 
> I hope this story is what you were looking for and you enjoy it. ❤️

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scully faces the reality of what she can no longer escape. Meeting Penny, she knows what she needs to do, but is she ready?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, Memento Mori is such a good episode. It’s beautifully sad and hurts so very much. Everyone is hurting and they need one another to get through that pain.

Scully stood in the hallway outside of Penny Northern’s hospital room and took a deep breath. Her heart was pounding and she felt bile burning at the back of her throat.

Truth be told, since she had heard the word _tumor_ , that bile had resided there. It threatened to choke her as she looked at her X-ray, proof positive that the words she had heard from Leonard Betts had not been a lie.

_“I’m sorry… but you’ve got something I need.”_

Closing her eyes, she had known in that moment that something was wrong. If she was completely honest with herself, she had been noticing signs of _something_ , but pushed them down and away. Kept them in a box detached from her; something she did not want to face. 

Last year, after she had met Penny, Lottie and the other women who claimed to have had their implants removed, she had seen her doctor. Blood tests, MRI’s, CT scans... any tests she could have done, she did. Every test had been negative, and she had breathed a sigh of relief. 

But, that nagging feeling in the back of her head, continued to remain. The box of worry she did not want to unpack, waited on the shelf for her to finally acknowledge and face it, as scary and worrisome as it would be. 

The words from Leonard Betts in her head and the wet, tacky blood from a nosebleed on her pillow, she had made appointments with her doctor as soon as she possibly could, her heart knowing that this time, they would not be negative. 

Once she had seen the evidence, had held the proof in her hands, she knew she could not ignore it any longer. Telling Mulder, saying the word _cancer_ out loud, had allowed for her to claim it, make it real, and yet… she pushed it away yet again. Though it had still remained within her, she had hope that the other women she had met could offer her advice and comfort. 

Hearing that Betsy had passed away, she had felt that bile rising in her throat. Unable to speak around it, Mulder had asked the questions and gained them access to the house. As she had stood there, the memories from last year had rushed in, and she had visualized the women who had gathered with similar abduction stories. Rubbing at her neck, the truth of her cancer pushed to the forefront, forcing her to shove it back down. 

A nose bleed, as they had chased down Kurt Crawford, and a look of fear on Mulder’s face when he had seen it, had broken open her box of detachment. Washing up in the bathroom, she had tried to close up that box, and put it all away. However, bits of it had stayed behind, judging by the look on Mulder’s face, the quiet of his voice, and the way she had _felt_ his worry for her. 

Hearing from Kurt that every one of the women who had sat in Betsy’s house was now dead, save one, had opened that box and tipped out the contents. Her fear had risen up like a title wave, large and unstoppable, and she had done what she always had in situations such as that; she became defensive. 

Pushing hard at the care and kindness she had heard in Mulder’s voice, she lashed out. She did not want his pity or worry. She was not an invalid, nor dying or weak. She knew that was not how he saw her, but she did not want to hear that he _might_.

Making it about the case and pushing her personal feelings back into that now battered box, she had left Kurt’s apartment with a simple nod to Mulder. Stepping outside, the cold air bit at her overly warm face, as she had called for a cab to take her to the hospital. 

Pacing as she had waited, she took deep breaths, the cold air calming, as much as it stung. The cab had arrived fairly quickly and the hospital had not been far. 

She now stood outside of Penny’s door, the professional in her ready to question a witness. Pushing the door open slowly, the sight of Penny lying in the bed led to the professional in her nearly disappearing as the personal rose to the surface.

“Dana. Hello.” Penny smiled an almost happy smile, as Scully stood in the doorway, utterly confused. 

“I’m– I’m sorry. Did somebody tell you that I was coming here to see you?” Scully asked, as she stepped into the room. 

“No.”

“Then how did you know it was me?” 

“I recognized you. I told you when we met last year,” Penny reminded her, and Scully’s head dropped. “I held you and comforted you in the place— after the tests.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be insensitive, but, uh… I don’t share those memories.”

“It’s all right,” Penny said with a smile. 

Clearing her throat, Scully pushed the personal down with a hard swallow and stated why she had come to the hospital, the professional in her trying to rise again.

“I’ve come to ask you some questions,” she said, sitting down as she felt tears like pinpricks just behind her eyes. 

“About Dr. Scanlon?” Penny asked, throwing her off track. 

“No. Who is Dr. Scanlon?” 

“He’s treating the cancer. He treated Betsy, too. He thinks he might have isolated the cause. And that if he had caught it earlier, he might have been able to do more for her. And for me.”

 _Caught it earlier_ were the words she heard the loudest and clung to, needing that hope to keep her going. Taking a deep breath, the professional now gone, the personal had emptied out that broken box and made itself at home. 

“His name is Scanlon?” she asked, raising her head, tears now filling her eyes. 

“Yes,” Penny answered, staring at Scully with kind eyes. “What did you want to ask me?”

And for the life of her, Scully could no longer remember. 

“Dana? It’s happened to you too, hasn’t it?” Came Penny’s soft voice, breaking into her thoughts, and asking a question that was more like a statement. Scully nodded, unable to speak past the lump in her throat. 

Penny sighed deeply and reached out her hand. Scully stood to her feet and grasped her fingers gently, not wanting to hurt her. Taking a deep breath, Penny nodded in understanding, a sad smile on her face. 

“Did you just find out?” 

“Yes,” Scully whispered, wiping at her eyes. 

“It’s not too late for you, Dana. None of us are left from the day we met you, except for me. And Dana…” Penny shook her head and Scully squeezed her fingers tighter. 

“Don’t say that, Penny. You said this Dr. Scanlon had isolated the cause.” 

“Hmm…” she nodded, not saying anything, but staring at Scully with knowing eyes. “You’re the last of us, Dana. It has to be you. You have to make it.” 

“Penny…” She dropped her head as she shook it, her tears spilling over. 

“I know, Dana.” 

Scully raised her head and looked at Penny, finding tears in her own eyes. Taking a deep breath, she squeezed her hand again and wiped her eyes. 

“Excuse me,” she said quietly and Penny nodded. Letting go of her hand, she walked over to the doorway and called Mulder. 

Barely one ring and he answered, discussing what he had found. His words were nothing but a loud humming in her ears, as she tried to make him listen to what she was trying to tell him. 

“Mulder, I need you to come up here,” she said, cutting off his words. 

“Why? Did you find something there?”

“I need you to bring the overnight bag from the trunk of the car, and I need you to call my mother, and ask her to bring up some things to the hospital.” Reality settling in and hurting. 

“Is there anything I should know?”

“Mulder, whatever you found, or whatever you might find, I think that we both know that right now the truth is it me… and that’s where I need to pursue it. As soon as possible.”

“I will be right there.” 

God, the pain in his voice, though quiet, was loud in her ears.

Glancing back at Penny as she hung up, she excused herself and walked down the hall and into a bathroom. Closing the door, she allowed herself only a few minutes to cry, before she would wipe her face and go back to Penny’s room. 

Taking deep breaths as the tears fell, she wiped at them furiously, angry at everything: the injustice, the death of the innocent women, the suffering Penny was enduring now, and the similar pain that would soon be her own. 

Staring at herself in the mirror, she wiped under her eyes, making sure her make up was not a smeared disastrous mess. She lifted her head and double checked that her nose was not bleeding, never knowing when it would occur. 

Closing her eyes, she imagined the tumor just below the surface, lying in wait like a ticking time bomb. But perhaps, she had found the way to stop it. Put out the fuse. Cut the wire. 

Stop the fucking bomb. 

Shaking her head, she washed her hands and stepped out of the bathroom. Walking back to Penny’s room, she sat with her to hear more about Dr. Scanlon, as she waited for Mulder to arrive with her bag. 

A few minutes passed before her cell phone rang and she left Penny’s room once again. Turning left, she continued down to the main entrance, finding Mulder standing there, her overnight bag in his hand and an anxious look on his face. 

“Thank you,” she said quietly, not quite meeting his eyes as she took it from him.

“Scully…” he sighed heavily and at that, she did look up. His eyes held such sadness, she stepped forward and wrapped an arm around his waist, his own going around her and holding her tight.

His jacket was cold against her cheek, but it felt welcome to her suddenly warm body. He sighed again and she pulled back, patting his arm as she did.

“What have you found here? It must have been something.” He cleared his throat and she nodded with a sigh, switching the bag to her other hand.

“Penny is being treated by a Dr. Scanlon. He treated Betsy also,” she explained, closing her eyes briefly. “She said he thinks he may have isolated the cause of the cancer.”

“That’s… that’s fantastic,” he said, exhaling a laugh as she stared at the floor and closed her eyes. “Scully?” Raising her head, she opened her eyes and look to him.

“It’s not a cure and it’s not a hundred percent that it will even work,” she whispered, tears in her eyes. “Betsy is dead. Penny… she doesn’t look like she’s doing well, just like Kurt had said.” She swallowed, biting her lip to stop her tears from falling. “She said Dr. Scanlon told her, if he had caught their cancer earlier… maybe he could’ve done more for them.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” he whispered and she nodded. They were silent for a few seconds and then he broke it. “Did you speak to Dr. Scanlon?”

“Not yet.”

“Why not?” She shook her head and sighed.

“What if… Mulder, what if it’s already too late?” 

“Don’t… don’t say that, Scully.”

They stared at each other and he lifted a hand to cup her cheek, wiping at the tear that had spilled over. She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch as she took a deep breath. Opening her eyes, she pulled back from him, wiping at her cheeks as he dropped his hand.

“Scully…”

“I know.” She took another deep breath and nodded. “He’s obviously not here at this late hour. I need to speak to the nurses and then call him to see what he will say.” He nodded, his eyes still sad and hurting. “Did you call my mother?”

“No. You said you needed her to bring some things. I thought I’d wait to hear them. No need to call her twice.” 

“Right,” she agreed, with a tight smile and a nod. 

Licking her lips, she set her overnight bag on a chair and took out her notepad and her pen. Writing down her list of things she would need, she handed it to him, pursing her lips together. He read it over and nodded, his head down.

“Okay,” he said quietly with another nod.

“I’ll call Dr. Scanlon and get admitted here. They’ll want to run tests and I need to have my records sent over.” She crossed her arms, gripping at her jacket, holding onto herself as she watched him nodding, his head still down.

“Mulder?” she whispered and he looked up and met her eyes. “Thank you.” He nodded again with a deep exhale, the sadness still in his eyes. 

She squeezed his arm and picked up her bag. With one last glance at him, she walked back toward the nurses station to inquire after Dr. Scanlon’s phone number, her heart heavy as her eyes filled with tears.

  
  



	2. Sharing the Burden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mulder’s late night phone call to Mrs. Scully, informing her of Scully’s cancer, and sharing their fears and worries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This phone call... I always wondered what was said. Here’s my take on it. 💔

Holding the small piece of paper in his hand, containing the list of items she needed, Mulder watched Scully walking away. Shaking his head and closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. Opening his eyes, he turned around, and walked toward the doors. He needed to call Mrs. Scully and he was not going to do it inside the hospital. 

Not if there was a chance he would cry.

Walking outside, the cold night air filled his lungs, stinging just enough to propel him toward the car. Sitting down, the car still slightly warm, he closed his eyes and took a deep calming breath. 

Taking out his phone, he scrolled down through his contacts until he found Mrs. Scully’s name. Staring at her number, he swallowed and exhaled. 

How many times had he been the one to call her? To tell her something had happened to Scully? He hated hearing the worry in her voice when he called, knowing there was nothing he could do to help her. 

It never got easier and this new information was going to hurt her. A lot. 

Pushing the call button, he brought it to his ear and waited for her to answer. Two rings and he heard her answer, her voice thick with sleep.

“Hello?”

He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. 

“Hello?” she asked again.

“Mrs. Scully,” he rasped out, his throat suddenly thick with tears.

“Fox? Is… Fox is that you?”

“Yeah,” he whispered.

“Oh, God,” she breathed and he heard a click, knowing she was turning on a light. “What’s happened?”

“It’s okay,” he said, clearing his throat, the fear in her voice oddly calming him in order to then reassure her.

“Okay? Fox, it’s the middle of the night, whatever you have to tell me, it’s not okay.” He heard her take a deep breath and he nodded, even though he knew she could not see him.

“We’re in Allentown, Pennsylvania. Scully… Dana… she’s in the hospital here, where she will be… she’s...”

“Fox… please…” she breathed and he scrubbed a hand down his face, swallowing hard as his eyes closed.

“She had some tests done a couple of days ago and she got the results today – this morning.”

“Tests? Why? What kind of tests?” Her voice changed a little, becoming a little harder; a mother not knowing her child had been ill. “Why?”

“She was… experiencing some symptoms and she had tests done An MRI, a CT scan, and blood tests…” 

“And they found something,” she said in a whisper, not a question, but a knowing statement.

“Yes,” he whispered and she released a shaky breath.

“Fox…” He heard his name like a plea, begging to know what was happening. 

“They found a tumor.”

“Jesus,” she sobbed and he waited a minute until he heard her breathing calm. “What kind of tumor?”

“It’s a mass on the wall between her sinus and her cerebrum.” He echoed the words Scully had said to him, causing his heart to stop and his breath to catch. 

“A brain tumor?” she asked, gasping as she finished. “Fox…” 

“Yes. If it were to push into her brain… The chance of survival…” He continued as though on autopilot, echoing Scully’s words again, not even thinking how it sounded. 

“Don’t say that, Fox. Please.” She began to cry in earnest and he dropped his head against the headrest, his guilt at causing her more pain overwhelming him. He moved the phone from his mouth, hearing her tears, but not wanting her to hear his own.

She stopped crying and he heard her blow her nose softly. Wiping his eyes, he waited for the question he knew she had to be thinking and should have asked long ago. The answer to which would inevitably lead to her hating him.

“You’re in… Pennsylvania, you said?” 

“Yes.” 

“Why there? Can this hospital… it... they can help her better there?”

“Not necessarily. Um… we were here looking into other women who had experienced similar… experiences and as a result… they were hospitalized with cancer.” 

“What experiences?” 

“They were abductees, like Dana,” he said just above a whisper. She was quiet as his words sunk in and he knew the question was coming as she woke up more and began to realize what he was saying.

“This… this is related to Dana’s disappearance? How could that be?” she whispered. 

“Mrs. Scully, I honestly don’t know how it all relates. But, I’m working on it.” He waited, almost hoping he would hear her anger, take the punishment for his failure to keep her safe.

“Fox,” she breathed, and he heard the catch in her voice, the sadness and defeat. “I don’t know what happened to her when she was gone. She doesn’t discuss it with me, and I doubt she has with you. She has always kept things held tight and I know this is no different.” He sighed and shook his head, the days of Scully‘s absence feeling like yesterday, when fear and worry were the only emotions he seemed to feel at the time.

“No, we haven’t spoken about it much,” he admitted. “She… she doesn’t remember and I…”

“You don’t want to hurt her.” 

“No. Never.” 

She hummed and then he heard her crying softly, though he himself remained dry eyed. If he could trade places with Scully he would. She did not deserve this, not any of it. She never should have been anywhere near Duane Barry or the case pertaining to him, but of course he had called for her to help him. 

And look where it had led? 

Fuck. 

“You said there… there were others? Like Dana?” she said, taking a deep breath. “Are they being treated as well?” 

He let out a breath and shook his head, knowing how much this would hurt her. 

“They were, I believe.” 

“ _Were_?” 

“Yes.” 

“Oh, God. How many were there?” 

“Eleven claim to have been abducted. One woman is still alive, and she is undergoing treatment here. 

“With the same kind of tumor?”

“Yes. Identical.” 

“How is that possible?” she said quietly.”You said identical. How could it be an identical tumor?” 

He sighed deeply and swallowed down the lump in his throat.

“I wish I had all the answers for you, but I don’t and I’m so sorry,” he said softly. “I’m trying to figure it all out.” 

“I can’t lose her, Fox. I can’t.” She inhaled sharply and began to cry again and this time he cried with her, no longer caring if she could hear him. 

Losing Scully was not an option. He needed her too much.

They both did. 

As their crying began to subside, he let out a breath as he sniffed and wiped at his face. She blew her nose quietly again and took a deep breath.

“Allentown, you said?” she asked and he nodded.

“Yes. Dana is trying to reach the doctor here, to get information from him to begin her treatment. She asked me to call you and inform you with what was happening.” She gave a rather bitter laugh and he exhaled knowingly. 

“She should have called me herself. I should have known… I’m sorry it seems to fall on you to inform me, as you say.” Her tone was harsh and he knew she would have some words with Scully when she saw her. 

He could not say he blamed her, but he understood Scully’s side as well. Just as he would not want to cause any undue harm to Scully, she wanted the same for her mother. They had come to Allentown to find answers and ended up with confusion. He cleared his throat and let out a sigh. 

“Dana asked me to ask you to pick up some things from her apartment for her before you came down here.” She sighed and he heard her moving around. Looking down at the list Scully had given him, her handwriting was so familiar, it made him ache. 

“Okay. Tell me what she needs.” He smiled slightly as he read the list: underwear, a couple pairs of pajamas, socks, her robe, a sweater and pants, and her journal. He paused, looking at the list with a nod, before placing it in his coat pocket.

He heard Mrs. Scully sighing and then she fell silent, neither of them speaking. He thought maybe she had hung up, or his phone service had broken up, when he heard her say his name softly. 

“Fox? This isn’t your fault. I know that you will blame yourself, I’ve seen you do it, and I don’t want you to do that again. You said yourself you would never knowingly cause Dana any harm. I know you wouldn’t. I’ve known since the first time I met you. This is not your fault, Fox.” 

His breath left his body as he leaned forward, dropping his head to the steering wheel. Of all the things she could have said, the questions she could ask, the blame she could lay at his feet, he was not expecting to hear such kindness and assurance from her. 

Of course this was his fault, all of it was. 

How could she not see that? How did she not hate him after everything that had happened to her family? 

“This is not because of you, Fox,” she said again, quietly, forcing him to really listen and to hear her. She whispered it again and he took a deep breath, his head spinning. Silence fell again as he took a few more calming breaths.

When he was able, he cleared his throat and sat up, shaking his head as though to clear it. 

“I will go to her apartment and get these things for her and be there as soon as I can, okay?” she said, still quietly. 

“Yeah,” he answered, not sure he could say anything else. 

“She’s going to be okay, Fox. I refuse to believe otherwise. You understand me?” 

Laughing nervously, he nodded. 

“Yeah,” he said again.

“I’ll be there soon. You let her know I’m on my way, okay? Goodbye, Fox.”

“Goodbye, Mrs. Scully.” 

The phone clicked off and he let out a breath, an unexplainable feeling of peace settling in his chest. Shaking his head again, he took a deep breath and opened the car door.

Stepping outside, the cold air of the night once again filled his lungs. It was almost painful as he took a deep breath, and let it out, the mist billowing in front of him, as he stared at the hospital and closed the car door. 

He continued to take deep breaths as he walked toward the hospital entrance. The cold air was painful and he was ready to get into the warmth of the hospital, as much as he hated being there. The smell of antiseptic and knowledge of _why_ he was there, never something he would get used to. 

Reaching the door, he grasped the cold metal handle and pulled it open. Stepping inside, as the smell of the hospital hit him, the calm he had felt in the car faded away.

Taking a deep breath, he continued on, walking in the direction Scully had disappeared down earlier. Clenching his jaw, he saw her at the end of the hallway, her phone to her ear, nodding at whatever she was hearing. 

Catching his eye as she turned around, he saw her shoulders relax and she smiled softly. He nodded, swallowing down the worry he felt, not wanting to cause her any extra stress. 

As he approached her, she stared at him, her eyes asking him many questions. He smiled and nodded again and she let out a breath. She squeezed his upper arm before she turned away and spoke to the doctor once more; plans being made to begin her treatment in the morning. 

_“She’s going to be okay, Fox. I refuse to believe otherwise.”_

_So do I, Mrs. Scully,_ he thought as he watched her, his throat thick with emotion. _So do I._

  
  
  



	3. Clarity in the Presence of Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie goes to Scully’s apartment to pick up the items she has requested before driving to the hospital in Allentown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVE writing Maggie into stories. She was such an amazing character and we should have seen more of her.

Hanging up the phone after speaking to Fox, Maggie closed her eyes, and placed a hand to her mouth. Taking a few deep breaths, she shook her head and then opened her eyes. 

A brain tumor. 

She walked numbly to her closet and took out a small suitcase. Opening drawers, she filled it with clothes, pajamas, shoes, and a lightweight jacket. Walking into her bathroom, she turned on the light and began to fill a toiletry bag with items. 

A hair dryer and curling iron were then added to the suitcase, along with the toiletry bag. 

Changing out of her pajamas, she dressed quickly, applying minimal makeup. Double checking that she had everything she needed, she walked out the door and went downstairs. Turning on one small lamp, she picked up her keys and her purse, and walked out the door, leaving the light on behind her. 

Driving to Dana‘s, worry settled within her mind. Despite what she had said to Fox, that everything would be okay, she could not help but let her fear now consume her. It was easier to speak bravely, than it was to act on it. 

A brain tumor. 

Inoperable it seemed, or Fox would have mentioned that it was an option. 

A brain tumor. Cancer. Her baby girl had cancer. 

As Fox said those words, it had been on the tip of her tongue to tell him about the dreams she had been having recently. Deciding against it, not wanting to give the fears she had felt any power, she had said nothing even as she knew how ridiculous that was, even in her own head. 

But… when Dana had been taken years ago, she had dreamt of it happening. Not exactly in the same way of course, but the end result was the same, that dream had come true. Dana was taken from them and gone somewhere they could not follow. 

Those dreams had been happening again and she felt as though she now knew they had been a premonition. 

An omen she dared not name. 

In her dream, the first one, Dana had been sitting with her face in profile, half of her in shadow. She was on a bench somewhere, the rest of the area not in focus. She must have heard something, because she turned to her right and smiled, rising from the bench and walking forward. 

Between her eyes, a thin light shone through, almost as if it was shining out from inside of her. It did not seem to be causing her pain, nor did she seem to notice it was there. Wherever she was headed in that dream, she walked right through Maggie, the light shining ahead of her, as Maggie watched her walk away. 

For a week she had those dreams. 

Sometimes Dana was in a crowded restaurant, or in a car, and once, she had been walking into the FBI building. Always by herself, any images around her were distorted and faint, but the light between her eyes continued to glow brightly. 

Maggie had written it off, pushed it aside and tried to forget about it. Even if she had told Dana, she would have scoffed and brushed it off as just a dream and nothing more. Now though, now Maggie was not so sure. 

Tears filled her eyes and she swiped at them angrily. This was not the time to cry. She had a job to do, a mission to fulfill, and there would be time for crying later. She needed to keep her mind on the task at hand. Yet, dread still settled within her stomach, hot and acidic. 

Arriving at Dana’s apartment, she quietly walked down the hallway, aware of the late hour. Or was it early? She no longer knew. Inserting the key in the lock, she stepped into Dana‘s silent and dark apartment.

Turning on a light, she looked around at the home her daughter had made for herself. Of course she had seen it, been there alone many times, but every time she was over, she liked to look around. She enjoyed getting lost in the items Dana chose to put on her walls or which books she had out, drawing attention to them as they sat on a shelf. 

There was a red blanket hanging haphazardly on one of the dining room chairs, nearly touching the floor. Lifting it, she folded it and set it on the end of the couch. 

A work file was lying open on the kitchen table as she stepped back toward it. A picture of a decapitated bald man with the name Leonard Betts written under it, was lying on top of the papers. The sight of it turned her stomach and she quickly looked away. A half empty box of tissues, and a nearly empty glass of water sat beside the file. 

Picking up the glass, she poured it out and set it in the sink. She glanced at the picture of the man’s head again and shook her own. 

Walking out of the dining room, she stepped into the bedroom, and switched on the light. The room was neat and tidy, as always, the bed made, though it seemed in a hurried fashion; as the throw pillows were still sitting on the desk chair.

Looking around, and thinking about the state of the kitchen table, it seemed that Dana had been in a hurry when she had left the apartment. The test results had been in that morning, Fox had said. 

Of course Dana had been in a hurry.

Taking a deep breath, she opened the closet and found a bag. Setting it on the bed, she began to search for and collect the asked for items. Pajamas, underwear, warm socks, a pair of pants, a sweater, and a sweatshirt that had been Bill’s, were added to the bag. 

Looking around for the journal, she found it in the top desk drawer. Against her better judgment, she flipped to a random page in the journal. Glancing up, even though she knew she was there alone, she looked back down at the page and her eyes filled with tears as she read the entry. 

_December 1996_

_The sadness I see in you, it causes an ache in my heart. The pain of your past… you wear it so brightly at times, it's damn near blinding. Some may view you as weak because of it. They see someone broken and searching, but that’s not who you are. Your passion, Mulder, it can consume you, yes, but it made you the man you are today._

_You want the world to be safe and good, despite the evil and horribleness you’ve seen. That is_ _not_ _broken. That is hope. Hope that bleeds through the cracks of atrocities._

_No matter the pain you may endure, you push on, wanting to help but hoping that one day you will find your own closure. Your own peace._

_One day, Mulder. One day you will._

Closing the journal, she walked over to the bag and set it inside. Walking into the bathroom, she grabbed a tissue and wiped her eyes, the words she had read, so beautiful and emotional. Not knowing what had happened to bring about such an entry from Dana, but knowing _him_ , the words rang true. 

He pushed and would not accept defeat years ago, even when she herself had. He would not give up on Dana then and she knew he would not do so now. 

Shaking her head, she took Dana’s robe down from the hook behind the bathroom door, and placed it in her bag. Zipping it shut, she turned off the bedroom light, and walked out the door. 

Looking around the living room once more, she nodded, turned out the light and opened the door. Stepping out, she locked it behind her and walked quietly down the hallway once more.

As she placed Dana’s bag in the back seat beside her own, she saw that the sun was just beginning to lighten the night sky.

Making a decision, she got in the car and checked to make sure she had a full tank of gas. She needed some time to think and most likely, to cry a little. Being on a shuttle with many other people would not be best for her right now. Taking the time to drive to the hospital would do her some good. Starting the car, she pulled out from her parking spot and headed toward the highway. 

If she drove straight through, she could be there in just a couple of hours.


End file.
